I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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