I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
