Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
