i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize