What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
