I think I died a long time ago.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
