she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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