PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
