you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
