it was like eating out sand paper
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
