Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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