Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
