I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Actions speak louder than pants.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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