You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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