dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
