It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
