my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
