I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
