grandma shit on top of the toilet
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
