I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
