she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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