Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
