Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He passed out mid-signature
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize