dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
