He had one of those small greek statue penises
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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