So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
