He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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