I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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