Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
