yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize