I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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