He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
