hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
