this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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