I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
