youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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