So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
