Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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