I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
