He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
