he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize