What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
