"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
