Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
