Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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