If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
