Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I love you. Go after that dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
