i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize