She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
