you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
