hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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