your parents love me but you hate me
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
