Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
