420 ftw
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
