i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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