I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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