I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You ruined the universe
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
