dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So many bounce houses so little time
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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