dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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