lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
