Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
