Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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