He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You pole danced in your parka.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
