so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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