Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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