Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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