I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
