Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
