so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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