I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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