why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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