So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
only you would photoshop your dick
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
