sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
