I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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