I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's never too late to be topless.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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