At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
